I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize