bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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