Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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