I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
