U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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