there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
