ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
