jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
