did you get engaged???
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
