its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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