Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
