Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
