The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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