I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
lol hangovers are for mortals.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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