i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
