1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
