Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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