Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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