LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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