i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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