with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
