we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
