You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
