I wanna passion pit in your ass
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
