Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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