I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
