there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
