the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
