Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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