girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
