If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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