come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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