What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
