I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
