Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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