Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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