My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Damn victory sex feels great
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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