Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
