she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
