We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
