It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize