They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
