apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
