Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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