I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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