thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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