You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
