I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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