It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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