Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Acid is not a monday night drug
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
