I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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