I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My feet surprised me
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