planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
