Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
