Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
