Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
