Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
