Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
