why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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