Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
