Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
