Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
