Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize