Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I want her autograph on my taint
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
