She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
