My first STD was from a foam party
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Vodka?
Forever.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
