Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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