You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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