dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
