this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
