Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
