You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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