her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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