It's like God shit irony all over that family
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
