Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
