I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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