I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
