i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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