I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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