I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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