If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
