the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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