At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
