The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize