my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
