The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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