he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
