i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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