we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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