I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize