We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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